1. For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep
with me and not with someone else.
2. For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes,
because that means she is at home & not on the streets.
3. For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.
4. For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have
been surrounded by friends.
5. For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have
enough to eat.
6. For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the
sunshine.
7. For a floor that needs mopping, and windows that need cleaning
because it means I have a home.
8. For all the complaining I hear about the government because it
means that we have freedom of speech.
9. For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.
10. For the noise I have to bear from my neighbours because it means
that I can hear.
11. For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have
clothes to wear.
12. For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it
means I have been capable of working hard.
13. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it
means that I am stilll alive.
AND FINALLY ....... for received e-mails because it means I have friends who are thinking of me, at least.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The Donkey's Tale
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer
tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided
the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered
up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the
donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help
him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel
dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized
what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to
everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked
down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With
each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey
was doing something amazing. He would shake it off
and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on
top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a
step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of
dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is
to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our
troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of
the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be HAPPY:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer
tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided
the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered
up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the
donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help
him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel
dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized
what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to
everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked
down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With
each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey
was doing something amazing. He would shake it off
and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on
top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a
step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of
dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is
to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our
troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of
the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be HAPPY:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
A Simple story to share with ....
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage.
They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine
bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the
bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen
totally forgot the matter.
The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by
its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant
for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried
him to the hospital. He died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified
how she was going to face her husband.
When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child,
he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?
Scroll down to read....
ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling".
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The
child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point
in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to
keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.
No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she
needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband.
That is what he gave her. If everyone can look at life with this kind of
perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey
of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Take off all your
envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will
find things are actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL OF THE STORY
This story is really worth reading. Sometimes we spend time in asking
who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job
or with the people we know. By this way we miss out some warmth in human
relationship.
They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine
bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the
bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen
totally forgot the matter.
The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by
its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant
for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried
him to the hospital. He died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified
how she was going to face her husband.
When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child,
he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?
Scroll down to read....
ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling".
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The
child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point
in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to
keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.
No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she
needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband.
That is what he gave her. If everyone can look at life with this kind of
perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey
of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Take off all your
envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will
find things are actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL OF THE STORY
This story is really worth reading. Sometimes we spend time in asking
who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job
or with the people we know. By this way we miss out some warmth in human
relationship.
Message for the Boss
A woman is approaching a very small Bistro. She calls the barkeeper and, when he is standing in front of her,
she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard.
"Are you the boss of this Bistro?" she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
"Ehhh. No. Not at all!" the barkeeper replies.
"Would you please call him here?" the lady asks and gently touches his hair.
"Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!" the barkeeper sighs who has - no doubt - fun with this situation.
"Would you then please do me a great favour?" the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.
"Of course. What ever you wish!" the barkeeper moans.
"I want to leave a message for the boss!" she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.
"What message?" the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
"Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!"
she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard.
"Are you the boss of this Bistro?" she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
"Ehhh. No. Not at all!" the barkeeper replies.
"Would you please call him here?" the lady asks and gently touches his hair.
"Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!" the barkeeper sighs who has - no doubt - fun with this situation.
"Would you then please do me a great favour?" the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.
"Of course. What ever you wish!" the barkeeper moans.
"I want to leave a message for the boss!" she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.
"What message?" the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
"Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!"
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
An Autopsy Class
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.
“You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear.”
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man’s anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes’ silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.
“The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse’s anus, but I licked my index finger?”
After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.
“You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear.”
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man’s anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes’ silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.
“The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse’s anus, but I licked my index finger?”
After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.
Satanic Starbucks
A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!
Three Blondes & A Parrot
Three blondes go to the work from their homes every day. On the way they would pass a house where a parrot lived. The parrot would call out three colors every time the blondes would pass by. They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of their respective underpants. They tried to fool the parrot by switching positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants every day, but the parrot was never wrong. Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any underpants at all. When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, 'Straight, straight, curly.'
The Crowded Store
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line…
“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the store!
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line…
“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the store!
Don't Drive With Your Wife
A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer.
The following exchange took place.
The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 speed in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65 km."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80 km/p."
(The man gave his wife a dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight"
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks."
(The man gave his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
The ! man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talk
to you this way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."
The following exchange took place.
The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 speed in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65 km."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80 km/p."
(The man gave his wife a dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight"
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks."
(The man gave his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
The ! man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talk
to you this way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."
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